The following is a dramatization of my attempts to be tested for Covid-19 in Broward County. These were confusing and difficult times for everyone so no single party can be considered to “blame” but it was a fruitless nightmare.
Thursday, April 19, 2020….
Me: ::::fever, runny nose, sneezing, coughing:::: I think I’m sick
Work: You can’t take time off now! Can’t you see we’re busy!
Me: I’m going home and I’m staying home!
Work: You will be in trouble if you don’t prove you have Covid-19!
Me: Maybe it isn’t Covid-19. Maybe it’s just a cold. Either way, I’m sick. I’m staying home until I feel better!
Work: You will be in trouble!
Friday….
Me: ::: to Broward Health Dept:::: I need to take the Covid-19 test. I work in healthcare and I have the symptoms.
Broward Health Dept: You need a written prescription from your doctor in order to get tested.
Me: Dr. H I need to take the Covid-19 test in order to prove to work I’m sick, apparently seeing me running a fever and coughing and sneezing isn’t enough. I need a written Rx in order to take the test.
Dr. H: You can pick up the Rx on Monday.
…..two days pass and it is Monday…two days now without a fever….
Me: I’ve come to pick up my Rx for the Covid-19 test
Dr. H’s Secretary: OMG! YOU CAN’T BE IN HERE! You have to wait outside! You’ll infect us all! ::::slips the Rx under the door:::::
Me: ::::to Broward Health Dept:::: Ok, I have my Rx.
Broward Health Dept: Ok, good. Now write your phone number on it, and email it to ridiculouslylongemail@browardhealth.org and someone will call you to make an appointment
Me: :::::Follows instructions and waits:::::
And waits
And waits
Broward Health Dept:……
Me: ::::calls and gets the same instructions and follows them::::
Broward Health Dept:……
Broward Health Dept:……
……And evening and morning were the third day without fever…..
Me: :::: calls and gets the same instructions and follows them::::
Broward Health Dept:……
Broward Health Dept:……
Me: :::::sees on news that anyone who has been without fever 72 not eligible for test through the health dept::::
Work: You need a Dr’s note saying that have to quarantine in order to get paid sick leave
Me: I don’t care about the PAID sick leave, I just want to still have a job to go back to next week
Work:……yeah, you need a Dr’s note…..
Me: Dr. H, please help me. This is making me NUTZ! I’m not sick any more! I just want to go back to work next week!
Dr. H: Come in at 1pm on Thursday. I have a few test kits, and I’ll write you a note.
Me: Baruch HaShem!
…….Wednesday……
Work: Hey Danny I need you to contact the doctor 1st thing in the morning we need to get your results back from the test to make sure it’s negative otherwise I gotta get somebody to come in here and clean up the place I need a doctor’s note ASAP
Me: The doctor is not in on Wednesday. The test results take 72 hours.
….Thursday….
Me: ::::feeling fine with just a lingering cough::::::::Goes to my pharmacy to pick up my regular medication:::Goes to Shake Shack for a takeaway burger and milkshake::: Goes to see Dr. H:::: Dr. H waves me into the back into a room before his secretary returns from lunch::::
Dr. H: How do you feel?
Me: I feel fine. I have a cough from time to time, but it’s getting better. I haven’t had a fever in 4 days.
Dr. H: :::does the normal check of blood pressure, pulse, Oxygen, temperature, listens to chest::: Whatever it was seems to have cleared up on its own. Since you don’t have a fever, and haven’t had one in several days, I can’t give you the test. It would take forever for results to get back for one, and for 2 you’ve been fever free for too many days for it to be conclusive. I will write you a note though for work. When are you supposed to go back?
Me: Sunday
Dr. H: That’s the 29th…probably good to stay quarantined a few more days anyway just to be safe….by the way, you’re due in for lab work….
Me: I have an appointment already next Wednesday.
Dr. H: Ok, good. Here’s your note:
“To whom it may concern: The above was seen in my office today and he is in optimal medical condition to resume full work duty effective Sunday 3/29/2020. Please call for any concern.”
Me: Sends the note to Pharmacist in charge and store manager.
Work: We need to make sure that your test results are negative in order for you to come back to work.
Me: You’ll have to contact my doctor. He has cleared me to return to work on the 29th.
Work: Will you have test results by then?
Me: :::::Recounts all of the above simply as for a child::::
Work: Return to work on Sunday the 29th. We will talk on Monday.
….. Saturday….
Fellow Employee: Ummm…they tell me that you’ve been sick. I have a 3 month old at home. I don’t want to take anything home. If you’re sick then I’d rather you stay home tomorrow than risk infecting us.
Me: ::::face slap:::: If you feel that you are risking your child maybe YOU should stay home since you come in contact with probably 30 or more people who are infected every day… I have been essentially “well” for 6 days now. I have been cleared by the doctor to return to work tomorrow. If you have a problem with it, you should contact the doctor directly.
Fellow Employee: Well… ya know… I just don’t want to risk-
My Husband: ::::butts into the conversation:::: Are you telling him that you want him to stay home? If so then you will have to pay him for the day’s missed wages. He’s been cleared to return to work.
Fellow Employee: Well, no, I just don’t want to risk…
Me: I’ll see you tomorrow.
Trustworthy Fellow Employee: :::via text::: He says that if one employee tests positive they close that store for 14 days.
Me: Ahhhh, no wonder everyone wanted me to be sick! LOL Sorry I wasn’t able to give everyone 2 weeks off, but we are not considered “health care workers” in the eyes of the health department….Our boss is though, maybe she should go to a Coronaparty!